Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Blade 3: Trinity (R)
Wesley Snipes appears again as The Daywalker in the third installment of the Blade series, Blade: Trinity. Now that the earth has been taken over by vampires, Blade joins a group of vampire hunters, The Nightstalkers, in an effort to get Earth back in the clutches of human hands. This is made ever more difficult when the vampires attempt to frame Blade in a series of murders. After a series of vicious battles, the end of the movie finds Blade face to face with Dracula. Also starring Jessica Biel, Kris Kristofferson and Ryan Reynolds.
Now Showing: Farragut Towne Square, Knoxville Center, Tinseltown USA, Halls Cinema 7, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16

Ocean’s Twelve (PG-13)
Those playboy cut-ups George Clooney and Brad Pitt and the rest of the Ocean’s Eleven crew turn again to high-stakes thieving when Andy Garcia threatens prison or death if he doesn’t get his millions back. A romp across Europe ensues with the addition of Catherine Zeta Jones. Read the review.
Now Showing: Farragut Towne Square, Tinseltown USA, Halls Cinema 7, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16

Tarnation (NR)
Using a lifetime of Super-8 home movies, snapshots and video footage, 31-year-old Jonathan Caouette documents the story of his life and his relationship with his mentally ill mother. Deceptively simple in concept, the film—which just earned an Independent Spirit Award nomination—has been praised for its unflinching and honest emotional impact.
Now Showing: Downtown West

Hit and Miss

Just when you thought every sport had at least one movie to its credit, a group of enthusiastic gym-goers become pioneers of a new sports phenomenon. Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story bounces between the conflict of two gyms, the neighborhood Average Joe’s and corporate Globo Gym. Ben Stiller assumes the role of the corporate gym manager, White Goodman, a character similar to his heartless hospital orderly in Happy Gilmore, while Peter La Fleur (Vince Vaughn), the owner of Average Joe’s, attempts to lead his motley crew of workout regulars to victory in a Las Vegas dodgeball tourney to raise the funds necessary to keep their gym from falling victim to corporate takeover.

La Fleur’s crew—made up of a pirate, a high school geek, a sports buff obsessed with random pasttimes, and a childhood dodgeball legend—is humorous in its own dysfunctional way, but lacks the onscreen team chemistry to pull off the movie alone.

It’s Stiller that steals the show with his natural talent to play up the Goodman bad guy. Between the mullet and the handlebar moustache (it’s difficult not to laugh), he’s got great delivery, with one-liners sprinkled throughout. He also displays his comedic talent while pursuing the unattainable Kate Veatch (Christine Taylor). Rip Torn has a memorable cameo as dodgeball champion of old who coaches the Average Joes through their training, chucking wrenches at the players as they practice for the big battle of balls.

In the genre of brainless comedy, this flick is what you might expect: entertaining, enjoyable and definitely rent-worthy—but probably not something you’ll add to your DVD collection. Dodgeball’s good for a few laughs, but any intellectual stimulus is left riding the bench. And if you’re not into slapstick, I suggest you take your ball and go home without this movie.

—Melissa Elkins

December 16, 2004 * Vol. 14, No. 51
© 2003 Metro Pulse