Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

The Last Samurai (R)
When former Civil War captain Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise) loses the passion and honor that made him a hero in battle, he finds a chance for salvation when he's hired to train Japan's first modern army. But even as he promotes the American military way, he becomes enamored with the Samurai and their values.
Prediction: How many intense, historical dramas can we stand? This one seems like an expensive vanity project for Mr. Cruise.

Elephant (R)
Set in a high school in Portland, Ore., the fictional and partly improvised drama by Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting) follows a group of teenage boys in the midst of a school shooting spree modeled on the Columbine massacre.
Prediction: The experimental docudrama lands somewhere between disturbing and exploitative. Despite critical praise from Cannes, the semi-scripted fare looks more sur-Real World than poignant social commentary.

Honey (PG-13)
Honey Daniels (Jessica Alba) is a promising young dancer who steps out of her parents' expectations. She moves to the urban center to absorb the sounds of hip-hop, working as a bartender at night and perfecting her moves on the dancefloor. When she gets her big break choreographing videos for rap stars, will fame be all she ever dreamed of, or more than she can handle?
Prediction: Honey looks like it could have all of the dramatic tension of The Paula Abdul Story. But Alba's moves—and the soundtrack that includes Missy Elliott, Yolanda Adams and Blaque—are genuinely appealing. Or maybe that's just Alba's bare midriff....

Mambo Italiano (R)
Maria and Gino (Ginette Reno and Paul Sorvino) are Italian immigrants in Montreal. They don't quite understand when their adult son Angelo (Luke Kirby) moves out of the house into his own place. And they really don't understand when he reveals that he and his roommate Nino (Peter Miller), a friend from his childhood, is now his lover.
Prediction: My Big Fat Greek Wedding gets tweaked for the Italian and/or gay audience. Hokey and feel-good, the film will be more amusing if you're Italian and/or gay.

Party Monster (NR)
Michael Alig (Macaulay Culkin) and James St. James (Seth Green) move from the Midwest to New York City only to become consumed by drugs and the club scene. The two are employed as party promoters until Alig is convicted of murdering a drug dealer.
Prediction: Culkin has come a long way since the days of cute Kevin McCallister, but a drug-using, murderous club kid? My, my, they grow up so fast.

Jazz and Liquor

Over the years, I've developed a few movie-related rules. A few: avoid all movies that involve the Titanic; Robin Williams jumped the shark with Patch Adams; and film adaptations of stage musicals are generally disappointing. Unlike the first two, this last edict is neither hard nor fast. I worship the film version of Hedwig and the Angry Inch. The Liza/Michael York/Joel Grey Cabaret makes the live show look tepid (unless, of course, Alan Cumming is the MC). But, largely, cinema directors who tackle Broadway are flamboyantly unsuccessful at their attempts to distill the vitality and intimacy of the stage onto the screen. Something always gets lost in the translation.

Enter Chicago (PG-13, 2002), director Rob Marshall's coup de Zellweger. You already know about the sheer number of awards this baby has picked up for everything from sound design to Queen Latifah's cleavage and Catherine Zeta-Jones' lungs. First-time movie man Marshall expertly reinvents the manner in which the story of two Jazz Age murderesses and the media is told, expanding the musical's myopic focus on the production numbers and explaining their presence in the picture with the clever use of dream sequences. Sounds cliché, but it works. Marshall's Chicago unfolds the claustrophobic stage version like a puzzle box and still manages to keep its rich life bubbling. Even if you saw it in the multiplex, check out the DVD, which is chock-full of goodies like the song (one of my favorite numbers ever) that was cut and an interesting behind-the-scenes piece that proves good actors sweat, too.

While you're at the rental counter, pick up All that Jazz (R, 1979), director Bob Fosse's autobio-pic that is a very thinly-veiled retelling of his days of taking too much speed and choreographing the stage version of Chicago. Jazz might be one of the best films about live theater, ironically, as well as an unstoppable story about creativity and death. The last quarter, granted, is five minutes too long—but with such fine singing and dancing as well as the best performance of Roy Scheider's career, it's hard to complain too much.

—Adrienne Martini

December 4, 2003 * Vol. 13, No. 49
© 2003 Metro Pulse