Metro Pulse Online: Movies, Past &Amp; Future

Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Bulletproof Monk (PG-13)
A mysterious monk (Yun-Fat Chow) holds an ancient scroll that gives him ultimate wisdom, eternal youth, and apparently, the equivalent of an all-over bullet-proof vest. He's been on the run for 60 years, keeping the scroll from some nasty ninety-year-old Nazi (Karel Roden). Now, for reasons obscure, the monk must find a new scrollkeeper, who turns out to be Seann William Scott who goes by the amusing name of Kar. Can the two of them keep the scroll safe?
Prediction: Answer to the preceding question: Yes, but only after spouting lots of bad dialogue and using lots of cool wire-effect gimmickry, and only until the sequel. Probably not an original idea in the entire movie.

Holes (PG-13)
A wrongly convicted kid (Shia LaBeouf) is sent to "Camp Green Lake," where the Warden (Sigourney Weaver) and her assistants Mr. Sir (Jon Voight) and Mr. Pendanski (Tim Blake Nelson) force the incarcerated children to dig holes in the desert all day—ostensibly to build character, but really to find a buried treasure.
Prediction: We dug for buried treasure when we were wee, but it built no character. Still, the cast and the characters in this flick may make it worthwhile.

Malibu's Most Wanted (PG-13)
Jamie Kennedy is a white wannabe rapper whose father (Ryan O'Neil) is entering the California governor's race. Fearing his son will embarrass him (rightly so, no doubt), he hires a couple of actors (Taye Diggs and Anthony Anderson) to pretend they're thuggz-to-tha-bone gangstez, who proceed to "kidnap" the kid and take him to Compton to teach him about the "real" world.
Prediction: One white rapper movie in a lifetime is enough.

Spun (R)
A young druggie (Jason Schwartzman) hooks up with Cook, the creator of his favorite drug (Mickey Rourke), through the good offices of his dealer (John Leguizamo). He then proceeds to encounter all the other addicts and dealers and users in the orbit of Cook.
Prediction: Not for all tastes, but probably worth a look if something somewhat different is what you're looking for.

Stevie (NR)
Steve James' documentary of the life of Stephen Fielding, a troubled kid he had been a "Big Brother" to ten years earlier. During the filming, Stevie is arrested and charged with a serious crime. The film follows Stevie and his family for four and a half years as they wend their way through the criminal justice system, and as James comes to terms with what Stevie's done and what he's become.
Prediction: Sounds pretty darn bleak, but probably an excellent, if unsettling examination of how a life breaks down.

On the Road Again

Michael Palin, former Python, has been traveling the globe for more than a decade now. His new vocation was born from a challenge issued by a couple of BBC producers—pull a Jules Verne and get yourself around the world in 80 days, without using air travel. Despite all of the amusing setbacks, Palin and his trusty camera crew (dubbed Passepartout in honor of Verne's novel) succeeded. Throughout the bouts with Delhi Belly, the Asian equivalent of Montezuma's Revenge, a leaky dhou and a bomb scare when he was within sight of his goal, Palin pulled it off with a rakish aplomb and unswerving optimism.

Around the World in 80 Days was so popular that it spawned a series of sequels. Palin went Pole to Pole in 1991, traveling down the globe from north pole to south on a path that took him through Scandinavia, Russia (mere days before communism ate itself), Turkey, and Africa. Palin then went Full Circle, navigating the Pacific Rim in a trip that took nearly a year to complete, and on a Hemingway Adventure, a smaller-by-his-standards journey that visited the sites that built Papa's legend. There were rumors that Plain would hang up his walking shoes after his Hemingway stint. He is nearing his retirement years, after all, and starting to feel that all of this moving about was a young man's game. Fortunately, he came to his senses.

Palin is traveling again, thankfully, this time taking on the Sahara (Bravo, 7 p.m.). In the first two parts of the series, which were aired previously, Palin left the comforts of Gibraltar and discovered the delights of this sandy region while simultaneously exploring its darker sides, like the treatment of Smara refugees in Algeria.

With each passing series, Palin seems more free to speak his mind about the political climate of each country as well as its cultural attractions and trains. And it's a welcome progression; his knack for succinctly outlining conflicts is smart and witty. No mere tourist, Palin is a traveler of the best sort, insatiably curious and irrepressibly personable. Catch the last two episodes. You won't be disappointed.

—Adrienne Martini