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Field Generals

Walking?
UT's most notorious physical-education class is not just a stroll in the park

Try 5,000 Pizzas
Win or lose, the Neyland crowd has to eat and drink

Football Season, Dammit!
Confessions of a Vanderbilt fan

The Real Rules of the Game
What do those funny little men in stripes mean by those funny little gestures?

Michael's Got the Iceman's Backside

The best news for Casey Clausen this season is the return of 6 foot-6 inch, 300-pound left offensive tackle Michael Munoz, who has recovered from the injury to his left knee that kept him out of action last year after being a freshman All-America in 2000.

The left tackle is crucial to the success of a right-handed quarterback for a very simple reason: he makes sure that pinpoint-pupiled defensive linemen don't have an open alleyway leading them to the quarterback, who, of course, can't see them coming from the left side. Heath Shuler discovered this crucial fact in his first years with the Redskins. By virtue of the contract they awarded Shuler, they could no longer afford to pay a very talented lineman they'd groomed for several years to take over at left tackle. With a less experienced lineman on his backside, Shuler basically served as an NFL crash dummy, testing exactly how many blindside collisions a human being could take before becoming a real estate agent.

Like his father, Anthony—a Hall of Fame lineman with the Cincinnati Bengals regarded as one of the best linemen ever to play the game—Michael Munoz is amazing because of his agility and work ethic. Back when Anthony was playing at Southern Cal, this reporter once watched over his shoulder as he analyzed practice film. Munoz the elder was watching himself executing a particular move in which, starting from a four-point stance, in the blink of an eye he flipped his entire body 360 degrees to the side, so that, in a split second, he was in a four-point stance basically one slot over from where he began. The alacrity of the move was stupefying, but so was the fact that he was so intently working to fine-tune its execution.

Our one regret is that this past winter Michael's sister, Michelle, chose to transfer to Ohio State from the Lady Vols basketball team.
—BC

In a year of great QBs, the Vols should come out on top

by Brooks Clark

For some reason, great quarterbacks tend to come in waves. There was the incredible NFL freshman class of 1957—John Brodie, Len Dawson, Sonny Jurgensen, among others, who dominated the NFL for 20 years. Then there was the Class of '83—Dan Marino, John Elway, Boomer Esiason, Jim Kelly, with Doug Flutie and Steve Young right behind them.

This year there's a mini-boom in the SEC, with Eli Manning at Ole Miss, Casey (The Iceman) Clausen at UT, Jumbo Jared Lorenzen at Kentucky, Rex Grossman at Florida, David Greene at Georgia, and Tyler Watts at Alabama.

Whence springeth this windfall? You have to lay it on the doorstep of the departed, hated, respected Coach Steve Spurrier, who raised the bar for the entire conference in offensive innovation and the development of quarterbacks. And right now Spurrier's Washington Redskins, quarterbacked by former Florida Gator and Heisman Trophy-winner Danny Wuerffel, look well on their way to raising a few bars in the NFL.

There's something Biblical about the relationship between East Tennessee and its prodigal Johnson City native son. He was one of our own, but like Ishmael he wandered away to play quarterback and win the Heisman at Florida, then he wandered back there to coach against us, and so we cast him out from out hearts and cursed and despised him for his visor and scrunched-up face and his whining, "better'n you" attitude. East Tennessee shunned Coach Visor the way the state as a whole shunned Al Gore in the last election—the fate of all who show too little down-home humility and way too much Harvard hubris.

How, then, are we to react to the passing of the Southeastern Conference scepter? This summer, beloved figure Roy Kramer retired after a remarkable 12-year reign as commissioner that basically put the SEC in a class by itself, sports-wise. Football-wise, most SEC teams can generally put the whup on most Pac-10 and Big 12 teams, at least when they really want to.

So here comes his replacement, a 61-year-old former New Hampshire judge named Mike Slive, whose Ivy League resume sounds more like that of President Josiah Bartlett on The West Wing than even those nose-in-the-airs from Vanderbilt.

Born in Utica, N.Y., Slive was a student and assistant athletic director at Dartmouth College and athletic director at Cornell. He got his law degree at UVa, then earned something called an E. Barrett Prettyman Fellowship in Trial Advocacy at Georgetown en route to receiving his LLM. (If you know what an LLM is, you probably have one.)

Slive was assistant executive director of the Pac-10, where at least they offer athletic scholarships, and ably steered the Great Midwest Conference and then Conference USA into the big time.

On the opening day of media days this summer, he announced an Educational Initiative whereby the SEC will help distribute educational software to 15,000 elementary schools. Many people have expressed a great deal of confidence in Slive, and he may usher in an interesting era in this most powerful of conferences.

East

Tennessee

Speaking of hubris, might we all be feeling a little too smug in Orangeland?

"UT to Rule with Spurrier Gone," was a John Adams headline, and it's true. We have a veteran quarterback dude who's gotten better and better—and has a nickname, "Ice Man," in addition to last year's 3,000 passing yards and 64% completion average.

Sophomore running backs Jabari (J Train) Davis and Cedric Houston—both high school All-Americas, one a 4.5 the other a 4.4 in the 40-yard dash—will be pushed by freshman Gerald Riggs.

The best-kept secret is that this fall will turn out to be the Receiver U. redux—with the best NFL player in college football, Kelley Washington, opposite super sprinter Leonard Scott and tight end Jason Witten, who himself runs a 4.56 40. They will be complemented by sophomores Tony Brown and Montrell Jones and freshman Jonathan Wade, a World Youth Championships champion 200-meter sprinter from Shreveport.

On the local front: Knoxvillians are hoping for Bearden High graduate Dustin Colquitt to excel at the punting position this fall.

The Happy Hubris Oracle warns, "Beware late season letdowns against Miami and South Carolina."

Florida

The day Ron Zook was named to succeed Coach Visor, the "When Will He Get Fired?" web site was already up and running. Hired without a single day of head coaching experience, most recently in charge of the New Orleans Saints' defense that gave up 48 points to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, at least no one could accuse Zook of padding his resume. If the name sounds familiar, it's probably because he was the Florida defensive coach who was faxed UT plays in 1991, but we won't hold it against him.

Down at media days, Zook felt the vibes from his fellow coaches: "They're sitting there, all thinking they're going to kick our butts," Zook said. "I could sense it in the air. It's almost like, 'Ding, Dong, The Witch Is Dead.' Coach Spurrier is gone. Now we can bury those Gators. Well, brother, let's roll. This ain't my first rodeo, you know.''

YEEEE-hah! Cowpoke Rex Grossman is saddled up and fixin' to rope himself a Heisman. Earnest Graham is his sidekick in the backfield.

Still, Ron Zook is no Steve Spurrier, and thank heaven for that.

Georgia

Outside linebacker Boss (Rodney Antonio) Bailey is the brother of Georgia's former All-America cornerback Champ Bailey, now with the Redskins. Boss and Champ. Perhaps the next in line is known as "Sport." David Greene grabbed hold of the q-back starting spot by starting 11 games as a redshirt freshman and winning eight of them. Redshirt freshman D.J. Shockley, a Parade All-America in 2000, is nipping at his heels this year.

South Carolina

OK, hand Lou Holtz a big Outback T-Bone for turning the Gamecocks into a national power— ending last year ranked at No. 13 after their second straight Outback Bowl victory. How long has Holtz been in the business? He'd been an assistant for eight years when he was on Woody Hayes' staff for Ohio State's 1968 national title. He's now the third-winningest active coach in college football (behind Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden), just ahead of Mississippi State's Jackie Sherrill.

Senior quarterback Corey Jenkins grew up in Columbia and sold sodas at Williams-Brice Stadium as a youngster. He signed to play football at USC in 1996, but spent four years in the Boston Red Sox system before jumping back into football.

Kentucky

If you're Everyman Fan, you gotta love Falstaff-sized Wildcat signal-caller Jared Lorenzen. Not since Sonny Jurgensen's gentlemanly paunch has the portly-but-mobile crowd had such a source of inspiration.

Lorenzen, who weighed 13 pounds at birth, loves to scarf Wendy's spicy chicken sandwiches and down Mountain Dews by the 12-pack. At 6'4", 280 (that's when he's in shape), he's William "The Refrigerator" Perry with a rocket left arm and an excellent sense of what quarterbacking is all about. After spring practice, head coach Guy Morriss hinted that he might let Lorenzen call some of his own plays this season.

The fact that Lorenzen doesn't fit the quarterback mold confused Kentucky's former coach, Hal Mumme. In fact, two springs ago Mumme picked Dusty Bonner as his starter after spring practice, then realized his mistake when he went back and looked at the films. The Big Guy became the starter for coach Morriss in mid-season last year and in the last five games threw for an average of 376 yards per game and a total of 17 touchdowns. For the season he had only 7 interceptions.

Sometimes more is more.

Vanderbilt

Coach Bobby Johnson took the Furman Paladins all the way to the NCAA Division I-AA National Championship game against Montana last year. Now it's rebuilding time. Junior Benji Walker and freshman Jay Cutler are vying to replace Greg Zolman, who signed with the Indianapolis Colts.

West

LSU

How in the heck did those pesky Tigers sneak up on our mighty Vols in the SEC title game? Happily, several architects of that upset have moved on, notably quarterback Rohan Davey, to be replaced by Matt Mauck. Dec. 7 in the Georgia Dome look for cornerbacks Demetrius Hookfin and Damien James to see an aerial bombardment from the Ice Man to UT's fleet of fleet receivers.

Alabama

Before there was Enron, there was the Dubose Debacle. It was a lusty time of paying for players, messing with secretaries, calling bonehead plays, and going 3-8. Although he is stuck paying Mike Dubose's debt to society, coach Dennis Franchione is making the best of being on probation and barred from bowl appearances, finishing the regular season with a 13th game—away at Hawaii.

Scrambling fifth-year senior quarterback Tyler Watts arrived at Bama as a high school All-America. In the past three years, Watts and Andrew Zow, now in the CFL, were the either/or in Bama's backfield. Watts has had various battles with a torn groin muscle and a torn ACL, but his rehab regimen has left him with two Tide weight room records—530 pounds in the squat and 335 in the hang and clean. He's tied for the record with a 315-pound incline press. After earning his marketing degree in May, Watts is enrolled in graduate school and is firmly in charge of a team that is solid despite probation scholarship limitations. But there's a hotshot freshman named Brodie Croyle nipping at his heels. Brodie's father played for Bear Bryant; his sister was the 2000 homecoming queen.

Auburn

Sixth-year senior Daniel Cobb took the long road from Athens to Auburn. In 1997, as a freshman at Georgia, he was medically redshirted due to blood clotting in his throwing shoulder as a result of Paget von Schrotter Syndrome, then had a rib removed the following year to correct the circulatory and clotting problems. After recuperating in 1998, he led Butler County to the 1999 national junior college championship, then signed on at Auburn. He threw six passes in 2000, then started four games in 2001 and played in four more, totaling 1,165 passing yards. Last week he got the starting job over sophomore Jason (Jay Cam) Campbell, a Parade high school All-America from Taylorsville, Mississippi.

Arkansas

Coach Houston Nutt has made many good impressions in taking Arkansas to four straight bowls in his four years as head coach. He's been written up for his inspirational approach, his good works, and his good family. (His parents spent 35 years teaching at the Arkansas School for the Deaf in Little Rock; his three younger brothers are also college coaches, one on his own staff.)

Quarterback Matt Jones led the Hogs to an NCAA-record seven-overtime 58-56 late-night marathon victory at Ole Miss. At 6'5", 225 pounds, Jones also plays basketball for Arkansas.

Ole Miss

The 2002 Ole Miss "Spring Review" featured a photo collage of four players on its cover—all of them Eli Manning. Clockwise from middle left, you have the full frontal sans helmet portrait—wow! is that Jason Biggs?—the back of his No. 10 Manning jersey as he confers with coach David Cutcliffe on the sidelines, the under-the-center-ready-to-call-the-signals, and the rolling-right-looking downfield action shot. The caption: Eli Manning/Heisman Trophy Candidate.

By the time football media days rolled around, Ole Miss was backpedaling.

As rendered with fitting wit by News-Sentinel wag John Adams, father Archie, recalling the bad luck that overkill wrought upon Peyton, got that sense that it was déj� vu all over again and said flatly, include us out. After a consultation with Eli and the Ole Sports Information Department, it was agreed by all that for publicity lightning rods like the assorted members of the Manning Dynasty, discretion can sometimes be the better part of PR. So, as of August, Eli Manning is not a candidate for the Heisman Trophy.

There is irony, of course, in that Eli, like his older brother and his father, is a very decent person and an excellent quarterback, and he will enjoy quite a bit of success in this, his junior year. He is already a Playboy pre-season All-America. Last year he was a second team Verizon Academic All-America. A marketing major, he already knows about the point of diminishing returns.

Miss St.

It's tough being Jackie Sherrill, the fourth-winningest active coach in college football and looking to replace an offensive line, a quarterback, and most of a secondary.
 

August 29, 2002 * Vol. 12, No. 35
© 2002 Metro Pulse