Metro Pulse Online: Movies, Past &Amp; Future

Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Blade 3: Trinity (R)
Wesley Snipes appears again as The Daywalker in the third installment of the Blade series, Blade: Trinity. Now that the earth has been taken over by vampires, Blade joins a group of vampire hunters, The Nightstalkers, in an effort to get Earth back in the clutches of human hands. This is made ever more difficult when the vampires attempt to frame Blade in a series of murders. After a series of vicious battles, the end of the movie finds Blade face to face with Dracula. Also starring Jessica Biel, Kris Kristofferson and Ryan Reynolds.
Now Showing: Farragut Towne Square, Knoxville Center, Tinseltown USA, Halls Cinema 7, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16

Ocean’s Twelve (PG-13)
Those playboy cut-ups George Clooney and Brad Pitt and the rest of the Ocean’s Eleven crew turn again to high-stakes thieving when Andy Garcia threatens prison or death if he doesn’t get his millions back. A romp across Europe ensues with the addition of Catherine Zeta Jones. Read the review.
Now Showing: Farragut Towne Square, Tinseltown USA, Halls Cinema 7, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16

Tarnation (NR)
Using a lifetime of Super-8 home movies, snapshots and video footage, 31-year-old Jonathan Caouette documents the story of his life and his relationship with his mentally ill mother. Deceptively simple in concept, the film—which just earned an Independent Spirit Award nomination—has been praised for its unflinching and honest emotional impact.
Now Showing: Downtown West

Elf’d Up

When elves are not consuming empty calories, they occupy themselves with one of three careers: baking cookies in hollowed out oak trees, crafting shoes at night, and making gazillions of toys with their agile fingers. But in Elf, Buddy (Will Ferrell) finds himself incapable of doing any of these tasks particularly well, leading him to the woeful discovery that he is human.

As an infant, Buddy inadvertently crawled into Santa’s sack one Christmas Eve at the orphanage. Though raised in the North Pole by the kind and wise Papa Elf (played wryly by Bob Newhart), when Buddy discovers the truth about his heritage, he’s determined to find his real father (James Caan) so that they can snuggle ‘and make snow angels together.

His experience in New York City proves to be an adventure, because having been raised in a world of sugarplums and fat snowflakes, the 6’3” Buddy has the mental maturity of an eight-year-old. Ferrell plays perfectly on this innocence, mastering the art of wide-eyed facial expressions.

Buddy shacks up with his workaholic father, his father’s wife, Emily (Mary Steenburgen) and their young son Michael. Though he needs to do little else than cut out paper snowflakes to win the hearts of Emily and Michael, his father takes much convincing.

Meanwhile, Buddy woos Jovie (Zooey Deschanel), a darling department store elf who is reluctantly bewitched by his elfish shenanigans.

The film wraps up with a sucrose sweet scene where Buddy saves the day and the endangered Christmas spirit of the whole city.

For those expecting something in the vein of Farrell’s previous hits, like Old School, you’ll most likely be disappointed. The persistent bulge in Ferrell’s bright yellow tights is as close as this film gets to provocative. The raunchiest line in this film? “Son of a nutcracker!” Elf qualifies more along the lines of cute, rather than hilarious.

At its best, this movie is a visual feast—as it’s charming to step away from earth and get a view into elf culture. And for those who identify more with the Grinch than Santa Claus, this movie offers a much-needed dose of Christmas cheer.

-Ellen Mallernee