Metro Pulse Online: Movies, Past &Amp; Future

Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Danny Deckchair (PG-13)
How would you reinvent yourself? For Danny (Rhys Ifans, who played the goofy roommate in Notting Hill), reinvention is attained by sitting in a plastic lawn chair strapped to a bunch of huge yellow helium balloons and floating away to an unknown town.
Now Showing: Downtown West

Facing Windows (R)
Giovanna’s humdrum life and decaying marriage is suddenly transformed when her husband brings home a mysterious old man with a secret past. Reviews of this seductive Italian film boast that its Hitchcock-like surrealism, lustful temptation and obsessive voyeurism is oddly romantic as it both asks and answers many of the more intriguing questions of a dwindling relationship.
Now Showing: Downtown West

I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead (R)
Set against a dangerously seedy London backdrop that few have ever seen, this film from British director Mike Hodge brings to life a dark and sordid tale of rape, suicide and revenge. Will Graham (Clive Owen) is a notorious thug who gave up life on the streets and, three years later, is forced out of retirement and back into the criminal underworld when he finds out about his younger brother’s suspicious death.
Now Showing: Downtown West

Mr. 3000 (PG-13)
Retired Milwaukee Brewers baseball star Stan Ross (Bernie Mac) is known as “Mr. 3,000,” that is until three of his recorded hits are disqualified (renaming him a not-so-impressive “Mr. 2,997”) and his once-secure spot in the Hall of Fame is threatened. Comedy ensues as the out-of-shape, egotistical 47-year-old Ross must reenter the league of younger, stronger, and quicker players in order to reclaim his coveted title.
Now Showing: Tinseltown USA, Farragut Towne Square, West Town Mall, Foothills 12, Halls Cinema 7

National Lampoon’s Gold Diggers (PG-13)
In pursuit of the American dream of sex, money and happiness, young nimrods Cal and Lenny turn to a life of crime. But after an early purse-snatching attempt is foiled by two feisty 70-year-old broads, the young men decide instead to marry the old ladies, do them in and inherit their fortune. Naturally, the women have alternate plans.
Now Showing: Wynnsong 16, Knoxville Center

Sky Captain and the City of Tomorrow (PG)
Pulp fiction meets sci-fi in this star-studded, state-of-the-art special effects adventure. Filmed entirely against a blue screen, Sky Captain is the story of reporter Polly Perkins (Gwyneth Paltrow), mercenary aviator Sky Captain (Jude Law) and squadron commander Franky Cook (Angelina Jolie), who chase after the evil mastermind Dr. Totenkopt as he plots to destroy the planet.
Now Showing: Tinseltown USA, Knoxville Center, Farragut Towne Square, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16, Halls Cinema 7

Wimbledon (PG-13)
What happens when the once well-known, now forgotten, and quickly fading British tennis player Peter Colt (Paul Bettany) falls for the rising star Lizzie Bradury (Kirsten Dunst), an American “bad girl” tennis marvel, known for her impressive skills both on and off the court? The answer is revealed in this original romantic comedy set at the infamous All England Grass Championship.
Now Showing: Tinseltown USA, Knoxville Center, Farragut Towne Square, Foothills 12, Wynnsong 16

Lo-Fi Sci-Fi

Cutting corners isn’t new in the world of low-budget filmmaking, and a small budget doesn’t necessarily mean a film is destined for failure. But in the case of the 2003 drama/sci-fi/confusing mess Epoch: Evolution, perhaps the corners should have been sewn back on.

Summarizing the plot of this film is difficult, at best. Epoch begins with a befuddling chase scene where we meet Dr. Mason Rand (played by Knoxville’s David Keith) and his young, supernaturally gifted son. In a completely unrelated scene, we learn that China has blown up a space station containing American and Russian astronauts, and the three countries are going to war. Meanwhile, an enormous jagged rock formation bursts out of the ground, and Keith is suddenly talking to a monk at a Greek monastery. Confused yet? It’s only the beginning. The movie continues to spiral in directions unknown and unwanted.

The process of keeping up with the storyline is made even more difficult by the seemingly disposable cast. You will soon come to realize that everyone except Keith is marginal, and therefore must and shall be destroyed.

To my dismay, this film is a sequel to the 2000 film Epoch. In fairness, I must note that this film was a Sci-Fi Channel original, and therefore is in a category unto itself.

Things that made me laugh out loud: David Keith wearing the big orange “Power T” twice, the inane dialogue, and the mach 5 speed of the credits at the end of the movie.

One saving grace is a pivotal cameo by Billy Dee Williams. Billy Dee is remembered for his role as Lando Calrissian from The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, but he’ll soon be forgotten for his role as Ferguson in Epoch: Evolution.

The film’s special effects are undoubtedly its strong suit, which poses the question: is it cheaper to create great special effects than to create a realistic set? As evidenced by this film, the answer must be yes.

After all is said and done, if you give this movie half a chance, you’ve probably given it too much.

—Rosemary Nottoli