Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Good Boy (PG)
A dog from outer space named Hubble lands on Earth with a message to canines everywhere: If they don't take over the world, they're all going back to the Dog Star. Featuring the voices of Delta Burke, Brittany Murphy, Donald Faison, Matthew Broderick and Carl Reiner saying lines like, "It may look to you like people are in charge, but you don't see us picking up their poop!"
Prediction: Talking dogs?! It's madness. But cute madness. And who says dogs haven't taken over the world?

House of the Dead (R)
The first cinematic offering of the Halloween season finds college kids heading for a rave on an island near Seattle. Expecting to meet their pals on the island, instead they get attacked by a strange creature and discover survivors talking about bloodthirsty zombies. Based on a Sega game.
Prediction: Nothing new here, but it's always good to have a scary movie at theaters—at least until Scary Movie 3 arrives Oct. 24.

Intolerable Cruelty (PG-13)
Miles Massey (George Clooney) is a confident divorce lawyer facing his toughest challenge yet: His client Rex Rexroth (Edward Herrman) is a very rich philanderer being divorced by his blameless wife Marylin (Catherine Zeta-Jones). Ever the winning lawyer, Massey attempts to cease her gold-digging ways, but he's stymied when he finds himself falling for her. Sparks fly! Guest starring Geoffrey Rush and Billy Bob Thornton.
Prediction: George Clooney! Catherine Zeta-Jones! The Coen brothers! It's a formula for Hollywood magic!

Kill Bill—Vol. 1 (R)
Quentin Tarantino writes and directs this first installment of a two-part film about a sword-wielding former assassin (Uma Thurman) who wakes up from a coma and sets out to get revenge on her former coworkers—a formidable band of international assassins played by Lucy Liu, Daryl Hannah, Vivica A. Fox and Michael Madsen led by David Carradine—who tried to kill her when she wanted to leave the team.
Prediction: It's great to have Quentin Tarantino back in the game, but is his mind-numbing violence and fast-talking shtick still relevant? Or are we just too excited to care?

Step Into Liquid (NR)
A documentary about the world surfing culture and its obsessed practitioners. Giant waves and exotic locales like Hawaii, Costa Rica and Ireland steal the show. Written, edited and directed by Dana Brown (The Endless Summer).
Prediction: Land-locked beach bums will drool over the fantastic scenery and romantic portrayal of the lifestyle that's so much more than just a sport. The rest of us might rather watch a 30-minute version on the Discovery Channel.

Murder They Wrote

Writer-director Billy Morrissette's Scotland, PA (R, 2001) is another Shakespeare tale revamped for the modern movie audience. Imagine the Bard's Macbeth set in small-town Pennsylvania in the early 1970s. Instead of schemers plotting to overthrow the Scottish throne, here we have a young married couple conspiring to escape from the drudgery of burger flipping.

Prompted by premonitions of three stoner hippies, Joe McBeth (James LeGros) and wife Pat (Maura Tierney) break into Duncan's Restaurant after hours. The two tie up their boss and accidentally deep fry him while attempting to enter the safe.

The two inherit the diner from Duncan's son, who the McBeths frame for the whole affair. Then it's up to the couple to keep Detective McDuff (Christopher Walken) from uncovering the truth. More bodies pile up. Laughter ensues.

There are some nuggets of sweetness here. Walken's performance is top-notch and really holds the film together. There are also several funny moments. Scotland, PA is more black comedy than tragedy.

And that's about it. Morrissette seems too preoccupied with tying Macbeth to McDonald's. What could have been a clever new retelling instead becomes a mess of trying too hard at parody. Morrissette should have used Macbeth as a rough outline, instead of following the Bard's plot by the numbers. As it is, Morrissette's not-so-subtle winks at the audience are a bit much.

For a more delightful look at murder, turn to Francois Ozon's 8 Women (R, 2002). This film, first a play by Robert Thomas, is a classic murder mystery with all the requisite twists and turns.

A wealthy industrialist lies murdered in an upstairs bedroom. The phone lines are cut, the car tampered with, and a snowstorm prevents escape from the home. Whodunnit? Either the wife, sister, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, two daughters, housekeeper, or chambermaid. All have their reasons. Secrets are revealed (one about every five minutes), campy French pop songs are sung, and the eight French divas roll in a juicy bed of incest, greed, jealousy and hypocrisy. In the wrong hands this could've been a disaster. Instead, it's a fun flick propelled by a smart script and beautiful performances by marvelous actresses.

—Lloyd Babbit

October 9, 2003 * Vol. 13, No. 41
© 2003 Metro Pulse