 Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:
Anything Else
In Woody Allen's latest attempt at comedy, Amanda (Christina Ricci) is adorably unpredictable (read: completely insane), which inspires nothing less than total devotion in Jerry (Jason Biggs), who caters to her every whim and follows her around like a diligent gnat. Doesn't that make him more crazy than she is?
Prediction: It's nice to see Ricci in a starring role, but if Woody Allen's modern neurotic woman is one who obsesses about her weight and then eats all the food in the kitchen, count me out. I'd rather watch Annie Hall.
Cold Creek Manor
When Cooper and Leah move their family from the city to an old house in New York state, they find their fixer-upper has a cool name—Cold Creek Manor—and a creepy past. Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone star in director Mike (Leaving Las Vegas) Figgis' contribution to the scary-house genre.
Prediction: After all the spooky build-up to what happened in this freaky mansion, the pay-off had better be good. But don't call me when you're sleeping with the night light on.
The Fighting Temptations
In order to claim his $150,000 inheritance, Big Apple ad exec Darrin Hill (Cuba Gooding Jr.) must travel to his hometown in Georgia and put together a choir good enough to win the annual Gospel Explosion competition. Being unemployed and broke drives Darrin's interest in the money, but a lovely jazz singer named Lilly (Beyonce Knowles of Destiny's Child) brings his heart into the project. With Mike Epps and Steve Harvey.
Prediction: The perils of a gimmicky plot and predictable gags could be outweighed by great musical numbers and an honest portrait of a tight-knit Southern community.
Madame Satã
Back in the 1930s, João Francisco dos Santos was a kind of folk hero for Brazil's subculture, a flamboyant man-of-many-talents who was a performing transvestite, a cook, a father of seven adopted children and a convicted criminal. This bio-pic starring Lázaro Ramos portrays the dark underbelly of Rio de Janeiro's bohemian Lapa district. In Portuguese.
Prediction: A fascinating portrait of a wild character little known in these parts.
Masked and Anonymous
The stars come out in droves for a film that dares to be figured out. Bob Dylan is a wandering, muttering musician who lands in jail. John Goodman is the jolly concert promoter who gets him out to headline a charity concert. Jeff Bridges, Penélope Cruz, Jessica Lange, Luke Wilson, Ed Harris and Giovanni Ribisi appear to further complicate the plotline.
Prediction: The New York Times calls it "an unholy, incoherent mess." And then there's the matter of Dylan's mustache....
Secondhand Lions
Robert Duvall and Michael Caine play crotchety old brothers in 1960s Texas who are dismayed by the arrival of their shy grand-nephew Walter (Haley Joel "I see dead people" Osment). Instead of running him off the farm with their shotguns, the gruff old men begrudgingly let Walter into their lives and bizarre adventures.
Prediction: Hopefully writer/director Tim McCanlies (The Iron Giant) keeps this undoubtedly heartwarming film from being merely sentimental.
Thirteen
Read our review.
Underworld
Vampire culture gets the Matrix-style black leather & CGI treatment in Underworld, a stylish film that pits the ancient families of Vamps and Lycans (werewolves) against each other. The mortal enemies seem happy to stay at odds, but leave it to Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael (Scott Speedwell) to go and mess up a thousand years of feuding with just one kiss.
Prediction: Pale and dour and clad in Trinity's hand-me-down leathers, Kate Beckinsale isn't sexy enough to be a believable vamp. And Scott Speedwell played Ben on Felicity. A hunk, to be sure, but not grrrr enough for a werewolf.
| 
