Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

Bad Boys 2 (R)
The Summer of Sequels continues as Will Smith and Martin Lawrence reprise their roles as narcotics cops. This time around they head to Miami where they find out exactly how much ecstasy is coming into the city and how much trouble they can cause when they piss off the resident kingpin. Directed by Michael "Blow Stuff Up" Bay.
Prediction: Not exactly Miami Vice, these Bad Boys will be tough and take themselves less seriously.

How To Deal (PG-13)
Teen music/movie princess Mandy Moore stars as a young woman already burned out on love before she gives it a chance. Well, what's a girl to think when her parents split up and her best friend gets dumped? Written and directed by women (Neena Beber and Clare Kilner, respectively) and based on books by Sarah Dessen. Bonus: the hip soundtrack includes The Donnas, Liz Phair, The Flaming Lips and Beth Orton.
Prediction: Gosh, it'll be heartwarming, and with some women at the helm, it might ring true. But don't be fooled: Real life relationships will inevitably pale in comparison to movie love.

Johnny English (PG)
Who stole the crown jewels from the Tower of London? Leave it to Johnny English to find out and screw up in the process. Rowan Atkinson (who created the Mr. Bean character) plays the lead character in the best (only?) way he knows how: as a bumbling idiot. Also with the Australian pop singer Natalie Imbruglia and John Malkovich (who apparently needs the money).
Prediction: People who think Austin Powers and Mr. Bean are funny will flock to this movie like a gaggle of geese.

Winged Migration (G)
Experience migration from a bird's eye view in this Oscar-nominated documentary from French director Jacques Perrin (Microcosmos). Filmmakers spent three years following birds through 40 countries (and boy are their arms tired!)
Prediction: Like watching The Discovery Channel on the big screen for 89 minutes. Beautiful scenery, birds with personality, Perrin's cool French accent —it'll be fascinating.

Falling

British director Nicolas Roeg's movies aren't exactly strangers to the label of cult film. Works like Walkabout and Don't Look Now have firmly chipped their way into the cult film canon. But neither of these Roeg wonders provokes quite the wave of discussion of The Man Who Fell to Earth (R).

This 1976 film stars pop icon David Bowie as Thomas Newton, a displaced alien desperate to bring water to his barren planet. After arriving on Earth, Newton disguises himself as a human, then enlists the aid of a patent lawyer. By using his knowledge of peculiar technologies, Newton builds a large corporation on the foundation of his patents. But plans to use his fortune to bring his family water fail. Instead Newton spirals into a disheartening gloom of alcohol, consumerism, and homesickness.

Told in an abstract visual style, with an emphasis on Newton's increasing disaffection, the film captured praise for being both a surreal meditation on our strip-mall society, and a sci-fi film that sheds most of the genre's trappings.

And that's just dandy. However, The Man Who Fell is also nearly as dull as a Baptist church service held in a DMV office. Clocking in at 140 minutes, the plot is tepid, slow to build, disjointed, and the story itself probably would have been just as engaging in half the timespan.

Those looking for a more enjoyable journey into Roeg's imagination should instead look to Insignificance(NR, 1985). Based on a stage play, Insignificance is the story of a fictional meeting between Marilyn Monroe, Albert Einstein, Joe DiMaggio and Senator Joseph McCarthy.

The clever comedic drama places the famed actress in Einstein's hotel suite the night before he is to testify to McCarthy's subcommittee. But when DiMaggio comes looking for his wife, things get interesting. Stereotypes are shattered, intimacies are revealed, and Monroe treats us to an entertaining object lesson on the theory of relativity.

You'll do some work here—this isn't a Joel Schumacher project. But Roeg will reward your attention to detail with a wonderful story about the tenuous real-life connections between four 1950s icons.

—Lloyd Babbit

July 17, 2003 * Vol. 13, No. 29
© 2000 Metro Pulse