Metro Pulse Online: Movies, Past &Amp; Future

Armed only with his mysterious mental connection to the feral minds of studio executives, the Movie Guru reveals just how good or bad this week's new releases will be:

BIKER BOYZ (PG-13)
Laurence Fishburne, where'd ya go? Oh, there you are. In "an action-packed contemporary Western on wheels with desperadoes who live every day on the edge." Desperadoes that include Kid Rock. Brought to you by Dreamworkz Picturez.
Prediction: When's that Matrix sequel coming out again?

FINAL DESTINATION 2 (R)
Wow. I didn't think you could make two movies centered on a character named "Clear Rivers." Well, if you do, you must spoil the ending of the first flick. So, as it turns out, Ms. Rivers was the only person to survive the crash of Flight 180. Now she must cheat death again.
Prediction: Why such a rash of dumb horror movies all of a sudden? With an "R" rating, this one might not be any more scary than the others, but it'll sure be good and gory. Or at least gory.

MAX (R)
Hollywood shunned it because of its humanization of Adolf Hitler. John Cusack stars as Max, a Jewish art dealer and a composite of the Führer's real-life acquaintances, circa 1918. The spin: Adolf's genocidal hatred emanated from his youthful artistic failures.
Prediction: Hitler's characterization will no doubt offend some audience members, and the theory that the Holocaust was the result of artistic shortcomings is far-fetched. But Cusack's staking his reputation on it, and the actor usually—usually—knows how to pick a project, so this film could offer some compelling arguments on the origin of "evil."

THE RECRUIT (PG-13)
This thriller purports to take us inside the harsh world of CIA training, with Al Pacino as our guide. Agency spokesman Chase Brandon shared his wealth of knowledge with the filmmakers, so I'm sure we'll be privy to all sorts of top-secret goodies.
Prediction: Al Pacino. That's one name you never thought you'd tire of seeing, isn't it? How things change...

Wiggling Along

Everyone who's ever had kids has had the dual experience of having certain things (drinking beer after work) taken away from their lives while other things (meeting other people who have kids your age) added to them. Then there's the impact on what you read and watch. If you had asked me three years ago what small children like to watch on TV, I'd have said that I had no idea. Now I know in detail.

The hot band in the English-speaking world today is The Wiggles— four ordinary looking Australian guys who, a few years back, donned bright-colored shirts and started singing and dancing to entertain kids. They aren't especially talented; only one of them can apparently carry a tune, and none of them can dance too well. But they have no misgivings about acting silly in front of a camera, which is the number one prerequisite for successful toddler TV.

A few months ago, the Disney cable channel began showing Wiggles "videos," which consist of Greg (who loves to do magic), Anthony (who loves to eat), Murray (who loves to play a red guitar), and Jeff (who is, strangely, a narcoleptic) dancing and singing catchy children's songs. The network was overwhelmed with calls from parents asking where they could buy Wiggles videos. Within weeks, Disney began running episodes of the 30-minute Wiggles TV show, which was originally produced for Australian television.

Today, you can find Wiggles videos —about a dozen so far—alongside Barney and Bob the Builder, and in many stores outselling both. The Wiggles have reportedly sold over 12 million videos, so now they have a reason to be so damn happy all the time. Son Will's personal favorite appears to be The Wiggles Dance Party, which has several songs that are so catchy that they compel him to move his body in a way that an irresistible two-year-old can get away with but I can't. Father Bill's least favorite is Wiggly Safari, a video that teams the Wiggles with "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin. I try to be a good father. But there's only so much that a person can stand.

Bill Carey