Metro Pulse/Movie Guru/Men in Black II

Movie Guru Rating:
Bad Karma (2 out of 5)

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A sequel is a sequel is a sequel is a...

by Zak Weisfeld

To hold out hope that a sequel will improve upon its predecessor is to wish for peace in the Middle East or an anti-depressant without side-effects. It's not an impossible dream, just a very very unlikely one. And bolstering the case for its extreme rarity is Men in Black II. Which, despite it's more than mundane title, is almost overstating the case. The movie isn't so much Men in Black II as just Men in Black: Some More. Or Men in Black: Later. Or, most aptly, Men in Black: Again.

Of course, from the point of view of Universal Studios, the logic of making a sequel to the semi-charming, blockbuster smash of 1997 was inescapable. The first Men in Black made more than half a billion dollars for Universal. And not without reason. Number 1 had a good gag, aliens are among us—which explained why people like Newt Gingrich and Sylvester Stallone exist, as well as a lot of things about life in New York City. It had great design—both of sets and of creatures. It had actors whose schtick, while not exactly fresh, was charming. And it played well off our fin-de-siecle X-files-style paranoia. This was back in the good old days when it was considered plausible to believe that the FBI or CIA or anyone else in the government was capable of carrying out an actual conspiracy, let alone a decent investigation. Well, there's been a lot of water under that particular bridge. Water that MIB II avoids so willfully it's almost bold. Almost.

But MIB II doesn't just avoid commenting on current events. It avoids changes of any kind. MIB II's unspoken mantra is "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." This means MIB II has the suits, the design, the creatures and the schtick. There are two big twists. Whereas in Number 1, Agent J (Will Smith) and Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) drove K's old, black beater, in Number 2, J and K drive K's gleaming new Mercedes. Only slightly less dramatic is that while in Number 1 Agent J was the rookie who had to learn the ropes, this time his neuralized former partner Agent K has no knowledge of MIB or the alien threat, and J must bring him back and instruct him in the ways of the men in black suits. But Lee's performance is so deadpan, and his return to the full possession of his MIB faculties happens so abruptly, that the twist is more akin to a slight and gentle curve that quickly straightens out.

And it's that inherent conservatism that ultimately dooms MIB II to dullness and lassitude. The been-there-done-that script by Robert Gordon and Barry Fanaro tosses off its easy alien one-liners and world-in-peril plot with a wan half-smile and drugged wink. The listless script slides smoothly through the hands of director Barry Sonnenfeld whose mandate to his actors seems to be, stay calm. Even Will Smith, who somehow manages to be charming in spite everything, turns in a literally effortless performance.

In fact MIB II is at its worst when anyone on screen seems to try. Johnny Knoxville, whose asshole bonhomie made Jackass the best reality show on television, is close to unbearable as the two-headed side-kick. And Rosario Dawson as the obligatory dark-haired beauty is quite watchable until she's actually called upon to inject something like drama into the good-natured Qualuude high that is MIB II.

Ironically, if there is pleasure to be had in the latest Men in Black installment it is that while the movie may not be very good, at least no one's trying very hard. The entire event is suffused with an almost soporific ease. Oh, there are a few whipping tentacles, and yes, the fate of the world does hang in the balance, but with the exception of the sight of the icy Lara Flynn Boyle in her undies and a dog singing "I Will Survive," MIB II rarely asks the audience to lift its slightly smiling head off the pillow.

In fact, leaving the theater I had the sensation of having been neuralized. What just happened? Did I see Men in Black...or was it Men in Black II? What was the story? What were the characters like? Was it exciting? Did anything happen? Should I care? There's a ticket stub in my pocket and the fuzzy memory of endless previews but after that...nothing. And then the flat, heavy heat of July lurking over the mall parking lot wipes even the faintest echoes from my mind. Ahhh, summer.