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Mob-like drama saturates Tide history

by Tony Basilio

The mafia is so hot these days. The Sopranos are the most anticipated show week in and week out on cable television. “Hey, yo!” is a standard greeting around America. Perhaps it’s appropriate that La Crimson Nostra has emerged into the mainstream. The feds knew for years what the entire Southeast is finding out: those people in LA (Lower Alabama) are “wack.”

The crime family’s founder had relatively humble beginnings. The first Don came into the world in a place called Morrow Bottom, Ark. Early in life he was by all accounts paying neighborhood kids to play for his team. They amassed several championships during his youth. His racket was so successful that the syndicate had its eye on him right away. First he set up shop in Lexington. Business was good as he parlayed his unique brand of recruiting into the only SEC Title in Kentucky history. Jealousy over another Don named “Baron” lead to his departure. The story goes that at an awards banquet the Baron received a brand new Cadillac while the Bear got a new lighter. The football Don was overheard telling one of his Capos, “Shut uppa ya face. I gave my quarterback more than a crummy lighter. We outta here.”

So, Don Bear matriculated to Texas A&M. On the plains, he recruited his way to more success including a Southwest Conference Title in ’56. The feds were getting on to him, so it was time to jump into the land of the Crumbling Tide. This was where the Bear lay a solid foundation for his organization. He surrounded himself with a strong Underboss and a tremendous collection of Capos. His syndicate was able to achieve parity with other East Coast and West Coast organizations. Donned in a tweed jacket with that signature cap, when Bear closed a deal, heads of foes rolled. After six National Championships, old age caught up with Don “Bear.” In ’82 he retired. Like many in “The Life,” retirement for him was short-lived as he perished a few months after ceding control of his organization to Ray Perkins. Perkins won out over other worthy past Bear underbosses like Charlie Pell, Danny Ford and Jackie Sherrill. It should be pointed out that all three of these fellows eventually became Dons of their own families.

Like all in La Crimson Nostra, Perkins failed to live up to the dynamic success of Bear. They gave him the gun after four years. Then it was Bill Curry’s turn on the hot seat. Curry, a product of an Atlanta syndicate called the “Ramblin’ Wreck,” was the first boss to hail from outside the family. His tenure ended violently outside of Dreamland on a December night in ’89. Curry was overthrown by a faction led by Bear Bryant Jr. Bear Jr. brought in his own guy, Gene “Crazy Legs” Stallings. Stallings’ first season was marred by an assassination at the hands of Memphis State. Stallings recovered, leading the family back to the top of the underworld in ’93. Eventually, his reign crumbled under the weight of internal dissension.

Once again for the Bama Crime Family, it was back to the future. Mike Dubose, who served as Minister of Entertainment to the Bear, brought the Bear’s philosophy in recruiting back in earnest to Tuscaloosa. Dubose, along with Consigliere Mal Moore, conspired to run La Crimson Nostra’s loosest ship in decades. So loose that the feds eventually caught up with the Crumblin’ Tide. With some help from Phillip “The Bull” Fulmer and former Stallings Capo Tom Culpepper, the Feds led the largest sting of its kind, which crippled the family to near extinction. Current La Crimson Nostra Consigliere Tommy Gallion marked “The Bull” as a target for shaming the Tide. Like all great mob attorneys, Gallion refuses to see the indiscretions of his client. Gallion has promised to seek revenge on “The Bull” and his Big Orange Family.

Dubose’s lack of leadership and veracity lead the Tide to go outside the syndicate for their next hire. They did the unthinkable, bringing in an Italian to clean up the mess left by Bear’s Boy. Before Dennis Franchione arrived, it was clear he was a bad fit to lead the family. Time revealed that he was a cut above the culture. Fearing extradition to Sicily, it was off to College Station where he currently sits atop the Texas A&M family.

So, once again at the urging of Bear Bryant Jr., the Tide went back to the future tagging former Tide Rifleman, “Pop Gun Shula” as their new boss. The young boss is thought to already be in trouble and could face a bloody existence similar to many of his predecessors.

Like many of the great crime families past, anonymity served to boost La Crimson Nostra’s status among fans. The past several years of Federal troubles and kangaroo court appearances have led many to see the sordid disgrace that is the Alabama crime family.

Tune in and talk sports with Tony Basilio weekdays from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on ESPN Radio WVLZ 1140 AM.

August 12, 2004 • Vol. 14, No. 33 © 2004 Metro Pulse