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Seven Days

Wednesday, Nov. 26
ORNL researchers find that White Christmases—i.e. snowfalls in the month of December—are becoming fewer and farther between in most of the U.S. Somewhere, somehow, Perry Como is turning over in his grave.

Thursday, Nov. 27: Thanksgiving
(Burp!)

Friday, Nov. 28
Every last moron and his brother queue up in front of local retail outlets at the crack of frickin' dawn to be first in line on the divinely-annointed "biggest shopping day of the year." Who says people are like sheep? The sheep had enough sense to stay home.

Saturday, Nov. 29
The football Vols win their annual "beer barrel" game with pathetic long-time rival Kentucky by a score of 20-7, the 19th straight year that Tennessee has won the contest. Winning a whole barrel of beer seems a bit much against a program as lame as Kentucky's. May we suggest a can of Milwaukee's Best?

Sunday, Nov. 30
Despite finishing 10-2 and tying for first in their division of the Southeastern Conference, the Vols learn they will not be the East representative in the SEC title game, due to an elaborate and highly complicated system of tie-breakers. Confidential aside to Coach Phillip Fulmer: Next time choose "tails."

Monday, Dec. 1
The city of Knoxville requests bids for new wrecker service contracts, declaring four current city contractors ineligible due to the fact they have allegedly overcharged their "customers." Is there any other business in the world where someone can steal your car, charge a hefty fee to return it, and then refer to you as a "customer?"

Knoxville Found

(Click photo for larger image)

What is this? Every week in "Knoxville Found," we'll print the photo of a local curiosity. If you're the first person to correctly identify this oddity, you'll win a special prize plucked from the desk of the editor (keep in mind that the editor hasn't cleaned his desk in five years). E-mail your guesses, or send 'em to "Knoxville Found" c/o Metro Pulse, 505 Market St., Suite 300, Knoxville, TN 37902.

Last Week's Photo:
Wow! One hundred twenty-one correct identifications of this week's oddity—a modern record here at Metro Pulse. Not only did we get the location of "Turtlehead Rock" but we also got many stories and anecdotes associated with it. Paul Mills of Mascot writes, "This is a rock formation that some enterprising artist with a sense of humor has painted to resemble a dragon." Jennifer Fisher of Knoxville says that she and her friends often "just call it the 'dinosaur rock', but some people say it looks like an alligator." And Earl Raby suggests that the "Green Turtle" is "most likely an escaped creature from the former Jolly Golf in Gatlinburg." Old friends of Metro Pulse such as Robert Loest, Bill Dockery, and Michael Haynes also positively identified "Dinosaur Rock."
But the first correct response came in from Samuel and Taylor Thomas of Knoxville who, according to their mother Carol, "ask me to go the long way home sometimes just so they can see it." The "long way home," in this case, would include a stretch of Mascot Pike just east of Eastbridge Industrial Park. This is where the "Mascot Monster" lives. Samuel and Taylor will be receiving complimentary movie passes from Regal Cinemas. Congratulations guys!

Meet Your City
A calendar of upcoming public meetings you should attend

CITY TREE BOARD
Thursday, December 4
8 a.m.
Ijams Nature Center
2915 Island Home Ave.
Regular meeting.

KNOXVILLE CITY COUNCIL
Tuesday, December 9
7 p.m.
City County Building
400 Main St.
Main Assembly Room
Regular meeting.

The Poop Scoop
Downtown, a battle wages over dog crap

It was in the spring when Jo Mason, Patti Smith and other downtown residents started planting small flags of various colors around their neighborhood, the 100 block of Gay Street.

They planted 300 the first day and 200 the next day, by which time they had run out of flags. "It was a sea of flags fluttering out there and the TV people came, and it was kind of exciting," Mason says.

What the sea of flags represented wasn't anything patriotic, although some might call it civic. They were jabbed down into piles of doggie poop, a marker for what the dog's owner had failed to do after it finished its business.

In March, City Council passed an ordinance requiring pet owners to scoop up poop after their animals. Oddly enough, the law requires it only in the Central Business District, the same way skateboarders are banned.

The fine is $25 for a first offense, $50 for second and subsequent offenses. So far it doesn't seem as though the law has been enforced by the city.

A spokesman from the city's animal-control office could not be reach for comment. Downtown residents say they haven't heard of anyone being fined.

Most of the excrement is found around the intersection of Gay and Summit, especially alongside a parking lot next to Mason's building and OP Jenkins Furniture store.

The problem is especially noticeable in warm weather, residents say. People have tracked the excrement into stores and houses. "The smell is so horrible," says Smith, who has lived on the block for almost nine years, a few doors down from Mason. "It was so awful the dogs wouldn't even go in it. You know what 500 piles of dog crap smell like? When the weather is warm enough and you walk around the corner the smell just knocks you down.

"It's not that I'm anti-dog. I had a dog that lived to be 14 and another that lived to be 17," she adds. "I also had 78 acres for them to run around on."

The problems started when the street experienced a residential boom last year, and lots of new people moved in. There are many pet owners among the new residents. Smith and Mason say most of them do pick up after their pets. But a few don't. "The people who pick up after their dogs really resent the people who don't," Mason says. She says she's seen people walking three dogs at once take the time to scoop.

The owner of the Sterchi Building has promised to take away pet privileges of anyone who fails to pick up after their pet, if witnesses can prove tenants aren't picking up after their dogs. So Smith and Mason have borrowed a telephoto digital camera to surreptitiously shoot pictures of offending pet owners from their windows.

About two months ago, Smith snapped a picture from her car of a man after he failed to pick up his dog's poop. He angrily confronted her, yelling at her while his dogs scratched up her car door. She says it caused $600 to $700 damage to the door. She filed a police report on it, but no action has been taken, she says.

Smith says she'd like a little more cooperation from the police and animal control, by following up on their complaints. She says animal control officers have monitored the area for a few hours, but not much beyond that.

"I understand it's not a high priority. But just a little bit of cooperation with the citizenry will take care of it," she says. "You talk to people from even little towns, and they can't believe Knoxville doesn't have a [pooper-scooper law]. I don't know why big cities can enforce something like this and Knoxville doesn't have a clue."

She says the ordinance needs to be passed citywide. "Every city park should be covered by this," she says.

But for now, the 100 block of Gay Street is the front line of the poop wars. Come spring, it could get smelly.

"I think it can become a really good neighborhood," Mason says. "We want to have street party to get to know our neighbors. If we all meet other, it'll make it so you want to pick up after your dog."

—Joe Tarr

Demolition by Neglect
Cherokee fights an ordinance aimed at preserving buildings

An ordinance that would allow the city to repair dilapidated historic properties to prevent "demolition by neglect" is being opposed by Cherokee Country Club, which has been fighting the city over the Smith/Coughlin House.

The ordinance allows a city to make repairs to an historic structure that is in danger of being lost because of neglect. The building would have to be on the national register of historic buildings or have an H-1 or NC-1 zoning overlay. The repairs would be only for things that threaten the building's structural integrity, such as roof or walls, says Kim Trent, executive director of Knox Heritage. The cost of the repairs is then added to the property's tax bill, so the city is eventually reimbursed.

The law will be debated tonight at a council workshop at 5 and voted on at Tuesday's meeting.

Right now, Trent says, the city has three ways of dealing with owners who are letting their historic property go to ruin: do nothing, raze it, or buy it. The ordinance will give the city a fourth option. "The city can come in and put the building on life support," Trent says.

"This is a tool for inner city historic neighborhoods dealing with abandoned properties," she says. "People talk about property rights—what about the rights of the neighbor who was planning on using the equity of his house to send his kid to college or can't move because of the blighted property next door?"

She pointed to buildings that could have benefited from the law, such as some Market Square properties or the Miller's building on Gay Street. Those buildings have been saved, but the cost of renovating them would have been much less had the city acted a decade ago, she says.

At any rate, Trent doesn't expect the ordinance to be a frequently used tool. "From my experience with city government, they're not going to run about doing this," she says.

Councilman Rob Frost says the city already has a similar power. When neighbors complain about dirty or unkempt property, city workers can go in and clean it up, charging a fee to the property owner's tax bill. "Really, it's not all that much uncharted territory," says Frost, who adds that the recommendation for the law came out of a 1999 historic preservation task force.

Cherokee Country Club—which has been fighting the city to tear down the Smith/Coughlin House—has asked council to reject the ordinance. "In the case of Cherokee's Smith/Coughlin House, the proposed ordinance would constitute a particular egregious intrusion upon a private property owner's rights," Charles Wagner III, attorney for the country club, wrote to City Council. "The proposed ordinance improperly shifts the burden and cost of historic preservation to the private property owners and therefore should not be enacted."

But advocates of the law say the Smith/Coughlin House would not be a candidate for this type of intervention, because it's not in serious disrepair.

"It's unfortunate that Cherokee thinks they're being unfairly picked on," Frost says. "I've been inside that house—it's going to be solid within our lifetimes."

—Joe Tarr