Metro Pulse/Sports/Jumping the Shark

Comment
on this story

College coaches and administrators sink to new depths

by Tony Basilio

It's official. The point of no return may be upon us. Major college sports and the universities they represent may have finally committed a series of acts that may in time doom the moneymaking scheme they represent. Fans of classic television call it jumping the shark. You remember when Fonzie jumped the shark. He water-skied over sharks in a later Happy Days episode, and it was all downhill from there. The once beloved TV series was doomed.

Welcome to shark jumping as a collegiate sport. Only the shark jumping, I'm afraid, is happening at all levels of university administration. (Have you seen Dr. Shumaker on a pair of skis lately?)

Welcome to the brave new world of major college administration/coaching. Seemingly gone is honor and integrity. Greed, deft fund raising and pilfering have, in certain circles, become the norm. The year 2003 will be remembered as the year of the shark. And I'm not talking Jerry Tarkanian here. Rewind the clock to late March.

Exhibit 1A: Coach "E": Revelations about embattled Iowa State basketball coach Larry Eustachy started to emerge last year. Coach "E", it seemed, liked to party. Perhaps it's only fitting that he coached a team called the Cyclones, as his pace of partying was tornadic to say the least. When word got out that Eustachy liked to party with coeds from other schools on various college campuses around the Midwest, he did what all free-thinking "educators" do when confronted with potentially damaging information. He lied. (See the Shumaker model). Too bad photographs of Coach "E" in an embrace with college coeds at a keg party ended up in his local rag. So he does what all free-thinking college educators in damage control do. Blame other people. (Hey President Shumaker, how's it going?) What's even more beautiful is that Iowa State's leadership tried to let the controversy die down instead of firing him immediately. In true circus fashion (see UT's handling of Shumaker), they let his eventual fate drag out a couple of weeks until body parts were everywhere. As in, his hands were all over body parts of coeds in 20-some pictures in the pages of the Des Moines Register. (Could've been a great coach for Shumaker).

Exhibit 1B: Mike Price. You know the story. In case you don't, it goes like this: Married man, new Alabama head football coach. Toast of the town. Literally. Looks like Grandpa, apparently drinks like Granny Clampett. Resigns in disgrace after some topless dancer named Destiny told all to Sports Illustrated. That's after she ran up a hefty credit card bill (on the University's credit card, See Doc Shumaker) at a four-star hotel where the pair took a tumble. Those school-issued credit cards will get you every time. (President Shumaker, How is Carol Garrison doing?) He's terminated. So he does what they do in major college athletics/education when faced with a dilemma brought on by personal recklessness: he sues. Price is currently suing the University, Sports Illustrated and half of the state of Alabama.

Now that we are approaching the ramp, it's time to jump that shark! Meet today's daredevil, Super Coach Dave Bliss. He has a great resume to take college sports to new depths. Coach Bliss has amassed 526 wins in 23 years as a college head coach at four major college programs. He was honored five times as his conference's coach of the year, coached seven conference championship teams, four All-Americans and 11 NBA draft picks. Coach Bliss even won 20 or more games 14 times.

So he has a player, Patrick Dennehy, turn up missing a couple of months back. He was allegedly murdered by a teammate. In response, Bliss calls a team meeting to discuss the situation and does what any free-thinking college coach/administrator in trouble would do. Lie. Lie. Lie. Concocting a story that would make the Gambino crime family cringe, Bliss encouraged his players to stick to a story that the deceased Dennehy invited his murder by his involvement in drug dealing. Never mind the fact that the dearly departed wasn't even a user of drugs, let alone dealer of them. And now for the kicker: Several players on the team told law enforcement officials that Bliss encouraged them to lie by saying, "What difference does it make what we tell authorities? Patrick can't come back from the grave and defend himself. We will be in the clear." (And how much money do you want, Dr. Shumaker, to just go away?)

A new low has officially been reached in '03 at all levels at the intersection of Big-Time University Boulevard and Major College Sports Drive. Alabama has a fourth coach in four years. Iowa State has a credibility problem. UT's trustees are blaming the search firm instead of taking personal responsibility and Dave Bliss made the madness official by jumping the shark. Can it get any worse from here? Let's hope not. But, history in the form of Joanie Loves Chachi tells us that the worst may be yet to come. Or was that Johnny Loves Carol?