Mash Taters
219 Corporate Place, Alcoa
379-7470
by Connie Seuer
Things have changed since we last spoke. Myself and Mr. Carte have produced an offspring, our little amuse bouche. While we love her more than French champagne and Italian cheese, new babies produce new problems, most of which are to be expected. But what we didn't expect is how drastically the bouche would affect our dining options.
At first, it was no problem. The niblet was constantly content to sleep through most meals out, lulled into dreamland by the white noise of our fellow diners. We certainly didn't feel like we could take her to an upscale, suit-and-tie sort of place, but we did take her to some of our favorite, more casual eateries.
But now there is a dilemma. The wee one is mobile, babbling, and eating adult foods, which means that we can only go to restaurants that are certain to have sturdy high chairs, diners who realize that kids are part of life, and staff who don't mind the occasional carrot on the floor (which we will pick up as quickly as we can, granted).
And now we realize how remarkably limited our dining options have become. The problem is not the child's; she will eat virtually anything you put in front of her, no matter how spicy or herby or odd. The problem lies in our choices. Most places that offer challenging cuisine are not hip on having their diners bring along a member of the Teletubbies set. Those that don't mind small people offer bland food and a fluorescent decor.
I now have a new Holy Grail. A clean, well-lighted place where parents can eat something tasty and good, where other diners don't mind a little extra noise, and where the child can be relatively free to be a child.
So we went to Mash Taters, the new casual dining establishment in the cradle of family friendliness that is the Maryville/Alcoa area. We should have been tipped off by the promotional literature. Mash Taters started as a small, downtown café, where the entrepreneurs tested their recipes.
"Our customers returned day after day to enjoy home-cooked meals with fresh veggies and hand-peeled mashed taters. A taste and feeling typical of Mom's or Grandma's kitchen. Comfort food," they allege. "So emerged the concept for Mash Taters Restaurant & Market. With creativity, experience and commitment, the concept has become a regional franchise chain. We strive to keep a family-friendly atmosphere with no-smoking/no-alcohol facilities and a fun children's playroom..."
We should have been tipped of by the no-alcohol policy. Perhaps we were willfully blind, so desperate to find a good place to go out to eat that we ignored this most blatant red flag. Mash Taters did have a unique approach to beverage service, however. Most drinks were kept in a big purple fridge and the diner encouraged to help him or herself. Empowering, perhaps, but also a great way to hire fewer servers.
Red flag number two, which we also chose to not see, was the presence of a buffet, dubbed the "Veggie Shed" and "Tater Shack." The concept of Mash Taters is a simple one. You order your main entree—there are lots of "down home" options to choose from (although, apparently, green salads aren't homey enough to make the cut), then troll the Shed and Shack for all of the sides. While I'll be the first to admit that options can be fun, it's not as fun when all of the options are uniformly uninteresting.
Old favorites made by Taters' romanticized Granny include carrots, greens, green beans, pinto beans, corn, and—you guessed it—mashed potatoes. I generally am a lover of all of these eats. I can wax rhapsodic about fresh corn and green beans. I will gush about pinto beans and corn bread. Greens have rocked my tiny world. But—and this is a big but—canned versions of the same always taste like canned. Perhaps these offerings had simply spent too long under warming lights on the steam table—but I will eat there again if someone can prove that these veggies had seen a field anytime in the last six months. Even the omnivorous baby rejected them.
The entrees didn't fare much better. The Chicken and Dumplings ($6.99) was bland and overly saline. The Meatloaf ($6.99) was mildly interesting, if only for the onion chunks and pre-packaged brown gravy. We didn't stick around for dessert, which was either scoops of Ben and Jerry's ice cream, banana pudding, or strawberry-doused angel food cake.
Mash Taters does have some things going for it. The place was clean. The food was cheap. The staff was friendly, save for a small squabble two servers were having. And they don't mind babies.
We, however, continue the hunt. Surely becoming parents doesn't doom one to dull food in aggressively average environs. Does it?
July 10, 2003 * Vol. 13, No. 28
© 2003 Metro Pulse
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