Being a dominatrix isn't about sex. Really.
by Adrienne Martini
If you are looking for titillation, please look elsewhere. Likewise if you are searching for a one-handed read that details every last slap, spank, scream and/or moan of a fetish show. Seekers of smut need not read further and should instead log on and unzip—the Internet has what you're looking for, with its multitude of storefronts catering to all kinks, no matter how bizarre.
No one will be getting naked. There will be no illicit business transactions in alleys during the dark of night. The next 1500 words will be about a nice girl with a riding crop who works with a scary, articulate, and decent chap who wears nail polish. Both are in a band, around which many cautionary tales have been created. Eastern philosophy will be mentioned. And there will be a trip to Wal-Mart, if only in the mind's eye.
As you can see, this isn't about sex.
This is about power.
The most surprising thing about Morella, Evil Twin's new dominatrix, is how tiny she is. Even in sharp heels, Morella maybe reaches my chin, say just under five-foot-one. She is toned, but not overly muscular, with a jet-black bob. In some primal way, Morella is sexy. Even though my tastes don't generally run to women, I wouldn't kick her out of bed—and she would win if I tried.
The second most surprising thing is how nice she is. Sweet, even. And, yet, the first time I meet her she is spanking a grown man. The second time, her fitted black blouse is tastefully decorated with the word "fucker," rendered over and over in an almost Baroque script. Every person is a walking contradiction; dominatrices are no exception.
Also with us in an Old City coffeeshop is Daisy "Chain" McGraw, Morella's current submissive and founding member of Evil Twin. It is early in the day for those who run on rock 'n' roll time. The sun hasn't been out long and the light is not kind to Daisy, a big guy in a tiger-striped top and black jeans. It is, however, hard to discern what kind of light would be flattering to Daisy, near darkness, maybe, illuminated only by a candle several hundred feet away.
Evil Twin's stage shows are an unholy amalgam of raucous rock and black fantasies. But for both of these performers, it goes deeper than what you see onstage. For a man who frequently performs in women's lingerie, Daisy is amazingly articulate—moreso than a few Ph.D.s and politicians that I've met. For both Daisy and Morella, the band is simply another outlet for impulses they've had since childhood.
"I was six years old and in love with Natasha from Bullwinkle and Cruella de Ville. My first real experience with the scene, however, wasn't really until I got into Evil Twin. They were like 'we don't have anybody to whip.' I'm like," Daisy says as he shyly raises his hand, "'I'll help you out.'"
While new to the Twin, Morella has been on the fetish scene since she was of age. She's worked both sides of the paddle, but domination fits her better than submission. Currently, she is without any steady clients—other than the work she does with (and on) Daisy—but wouldn't be opposed if the right situation presented itself. The two hold day jobs at the same porn shop, but their after-hours relationship only mildly colors their sunlight hours.
"I tease him a lot," Morella says, "but that's just me with everybody. Like—'don't make me punch you in the eye.' and 'don't make me smack you.'"
"I find myself not being such a bitch to Morella as I am to everybody else. Certain personality types just command respect," Daisy says. "And, part of that is my personality type in that I recognize somebody who demands that respect. It's not something I think about."
Morella's inner dom, however, is never really far from the surface. Does she every try to intimidate people on purpose?
"All the time!" she says with a laugh. "Usually I don't have to try, because if I get slightly irritated with somebody that side just pops out. It's like my alter-ego. My mind's constantly turning about what I'd like to do to people. It's such a part of my psyche.
"I think people should just know how to act and have manners. Just know how to behave. If it were only that simple. There was a screaming kid in Wal-Mart, just pitching a fit. I was like 'would you shut up? I'm trying to shop.' And the kid's dad is like 'yeah!'"
While Morella's demeanor is useful for ending routine hassles, it goes deeper, making usually invisible fault lines between men and women stand out in sharp relief. Even now, decades after women first started to push for equality, there are still power differentials between the sexes. Those with boobs don't earn the same wage as those without. While there have been great inroads, boys control the government. Men, whether or not they openly acknowledge it, carry a certain cache simply because they also pack a penis. What Morella and Daisy do exploits that inequality.
"It's usually not sexual for me—usually it's about power," she says. "Some men just need to be put in their place."
"Most of them," Daisy interjects.
"When I meet somebody that has too big of an ego, I can tell right away that the man doesn't respect women, no matter how much of a game he puts on. I can really pick up on it."
"And on the other end, it helps keep the ego in check," Daisy says. "You realize you're not the shit, you're not the be-all-end-all in the world. Putting myself in the position that I do really frees me from all of that typical male bullshit."
What Morella and Daisy do as part of Evil Twin is done to shock—"we're never satisfied unless we run a few people off," Daisy says—but the act is about more than wearing vinyl and carrying a big stick.
"It goes deeper," Daisy says. "When you're onstage doing it, you're worried about is my butt covered up enough or am I in the right position? But it really is deeper. Just the whole act of surrendering your autonomy to somebody else for a specified period of time in a specified setting is freeing. I look at it as close to the Buddhist ideal of surrender, of giving it all up."
After a show, "it's almost like a runner's high. Physically speaking, you're just relaxed. Drained," Daisy says.
While Morella echoes the bliss that descends after a good show, there is more responsibility that comes with being on top.
"I think its easier to be the submissive because basically you just do what you're told," Daisy says. "For the time you're in that space, that person's fate is in the dominant person's hands."
This responsibility is one that both parties have to agree on beforehand. It's not just a free-for-all, in their opinion.
"When I was at the Dungeon in Nashville," Morella says, "someone just handed me their slave and just said 'go.' And I was just like 'that's not my job.' He didn't ask me. So I gave the leash right back."
With the demise of the Lava Lounge and 319, the fetish scene only raises its ball-gagged head at Evil Twin shows and, occasionally, at Goth nights at local clubs, since there is some overlap between the two. But this crawl away from the mainstream isn't such a bad thing, in their opinion.
"As with most things in general, once you get too organized you get politics and cliques and all that crap. It takes away from the fun. It would be kinda cool if it were more of an everyday thing and wasn't so 'ewwwww. Whips and chains.' But we're in Tennessee," Daisy concludes, with a shrug.
While no one could ever mistake Daisy or Morella for Junior Leaguers or wholesome sports bar frat boys, each is most shocking by not being that shocking, all things considered.
"What's most surprising is that we're not," Morella says.
"I think most people's first idea of the fetish scene is that we have serious issues about our mamas or some Freudian thing," Daisy says. "The reality is that it's not really about working out anything deep and dark like that. For me, there's really something that predisposes me to this. The short answer is that it's fun. This is fun."
But isn't it just a little bit about sex?
"Power is sexy. It's a feeling to give up the power or to take the power from somebody. It's a feeling that's like sex in that it's an intense feeling that fills you up. It's always occurred to me that everyday vanilla interactions between men and women are like that in subtle ways," Daisy says. "This makes it more formalized. It gives a structured setting for exchanging that power instead of like in everyday life, people are behind the scenes manipulating trying to pull someone else's strings. You bring it out of the dark so that you can understand it."
March 8, 2003 * Vol. 13, No. 19
© 2003 Metro Pulse
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