Metro Pulse/Gamut/We're Cooler Than You

NEWS & VIEWS

Commentary
In Insights, Joe Sullivan uses lots of big words in part 74 of his series examining government studies of TennCare surveys of one-legged patients with liver disease, while Jesse Fox Mayshark says developers are money-grubbing maggots and pats his drinking buddies on the back in Editor's Corner, and Jack Neely tracks down a slab of sidewalk where James Agee once passed out in Secret History.

Turn of the Screw: Editor Jesse Fox Mayshark performs his daily check of A&E editor Adrienne Martini's hip-factor with his patented Hipper-Than-Thou-o-Tron.

Citybeat
Joe Tarr discovers rich white suburban people doing bad things to poor non-white homeless people, and Betty Bean quotes anonymous sources who say Victor Ashe is actually Satan.

Cover * METRO PULSE EXPOSED!

Yeah, we know what you think of Metro Pulse: a bunch of pretentious smug hipsters who lounge around wearing black turtlenecks, sipping lattés and watching avant-garde Asian films. That's what we thought too. But when our crack investigative team went undercover at the Metro Pulse offices, they found something very different: the paper is actually put out by a conglomeration of flabby, graying, balding white people who drive SUVs and live in subdivisions off Westland Drive. They go to soccer games! They mow the lawn in Bermuda shorts and black socks! They don't know Jean-Luc Godard from Pope John Paul II! They buy all their articles from Barnes & Noble's HipSmug Wire Service^TM!

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT

Gamut * PLACES WE CAN SEE OUT OUR WINDOWS
Barry Henderson looks out his window and lists 20 reasons why Market Square is cool...and you're not. Adrienne Martini says Krutch Park is even better, because she can see it from her desk. And Scott McNutt discovers the coolest, hippest place of all—the bar downstairs. Yep, downtown Knoxville sure is great. At least, the parts of it we can see from here.

Walkin' the Dog: Joe Tarr takes his exotic Tibetan Bassethoundinflugen (only six exist east of the Mississippi and are only sold to those who can pass a rigorous righteousness test) for a stroll.

Music
John Sewell tells us about the maladjusted adolescents in some crappy local punk band who can't play their instruments or spell their names, and Eye on The Scene says Scott Miller, Superdrag, R.B. Morris and Todd Steed are really, really good.

Artbeat
Heather Joyner knows more about art than you do, so there.

Pulp
Reviews of books that publishers have bribed us to say nice things about.

Movies
Coury Turczyn and Zak Weisfeld argue whether A Beautiful Mind "sucks" or "blows."
Movie Blurbs: The Metro Pulse Movie Blurbs: "Dumb joke goes here.^TM"

Calendar

Spotlights
What's going on this weekend? How the hell would we know? We never go anywhere. We spend most of our time sitting on our couches watching HGTV and ESPN. But hey, if you find anything, will you give us a call?

Final Frontiers

Urban Renewal by Matt Edens. Saving our endangered crack houses.
Loco Parentis by Katie Allison Granju. My kids sure are smart, aren't they?
News of the Weird by Chuck Shepherd. The only thing in the paper that 90 percent of you actually read.