|
Life's a Fatass Bitch
George Underwood, the Democrat who's running for county law director, tried an unusual campaign gambit Tuesday. He showed up for a radio engagement toting a visual aid—a blow-up of what has come to be known by the less delicate among us as the Fatass Bitch Resolution.
Underwood's opponent, Mike Moyers, who has been senior deputy law director for 12 years, is the one who Underwood fingers as the author of the FAB resolution (which Underwood carefully spells out "F-A-T A-S-S..." etc.).
This resolution, one of those pieces of puffery routinely introduced to praise departing elected officials, was passed by County Commission in September 1998, after longtime Circuit Court Clerk Lillian Bean was defeated by Moyers' then-colleague in the county law director's office, Cathy Quist. What nobody outside that office knew at the time was the resolution contained a sly, inside joke.
"WHEREAS:
For 19 years Lillian Bean has been the respected, admired and influential clerk of the Knox County Circuit, Sessions, and Juvenile courts;
and WHEREAS:
As clerk, Lillian Bean's goal has been to create a modern and efficient network of these important offices;
and WHEREAS:
"To further this goal, Lillian Bean has modernized and streamlined the operation of these offices, making them an example for clerks offices statewide..." Etc.
When the resolution's dark secret was exposed by Moyers' primary opponent this spring, Moyers, who is normally a polite, easy-going type, called Bean and asked her forgiveness, which she gave and even added an endorsement. The flap seemed to die when Moyers won the GOP nomination in March.
But now, Underwood is making the resolution a major campaign issue, and totes a highlighted poster-sized blow-up to campaign events, like the Tuesday debate on Van Martin's radio talk show on WRJZ, a Christian broadcast station. Martin wasn't having any of it, however, and forced Underwood to stick to a discussion of annexation, much to the disappointment of hardcore political wags, who have discovered that the letters "F-A-T, A-S-S, B-I-T-C-H" parse perfectly into the Mickey Mouse Club theme.
Eminent Domain
Mayor Victor Ashe is moving at a brisk clip through the early formalities of the last City Council meeting when he hits a glitch: Vice-Mayor Jack Sharp.
Ashe suddenly realizes that Sharp, whose prerogative it is to call for workshops, has not announced such a meeting with the Public Building Authority regarding the Holiday Inn Select, which is seen as an impediment to be removed from proximity to the convention center. This is a required step toward condemning the Holiday Inn.
Ashe: "Vice Mayor Sharp is recognized, to announce the workshop coming up July 20. "
Sharp: No response.
Ashe: "Hello?"
(City Law Department attorney Mark Hartsoe reaches for his appointment book.)
Ashe: "On the Holiday, errr, I thought you all had one."
Sharp: "News to me."
Ashe: "I thought you all were having one—on the Holiday Inn site? (long pause) "Maybe you're not."
Sharp: "I don't know a thing about it."
(Hartsoe mutters something.)
Sharp: "I dunno."
Ashe: "It's usually held on the Thursday prior to the July..."
Sharp cuts in, asks Hartsoe when to have the meeting. Hartsoe suggests Thursday at 5.
Sharp: "The Holiday Inn thing?" Hartsoe nods.
Sharp: "Wherebouts, Mark?"
Hartsoe: "5 o'clock in the Small Assembly Room."
Sharp: "Well, if that's the case, we're having a workshop in the small room..."
No TKO
Okay, so we promised you a recap of Carlene Malone's meeting with developer Ron Watkins and didn't deliver. Mayor Victor Ashe took matters into his own hands and posted on the K2K Internet discussion group that Watkins emerged exhausted from being tortured for three hours by Malone (who is fluent in her criticism of the Worsham Watkins downtown redevelopment plan). Not so, she says.
"It was less than three hours, it was cordial, although we disagreed on a lot of aspects of the plan and the assumptions, but I don't think either one of us wore anybody out."
July 20, 2000 * Vol. 10, No. 29
© 2000 Metro Pulse
| 
