Les DuLunch's Evil Essences
Dear Please Help Me Get a Life Wannabe Food Critic for the Metro Pulse,
June 17, 1971, two guys invited the world to join them spread the spirit of rock and roll. People from all walks of life were welcome to the Hard Rock Cafe. They came to chow on a burger, down a beer, and have a good time; nobody was turned away due to their social or economic status or the way they looked or did not look. Our mottoes "Love All, Serve All" and "All is One" was not conceived in hope to sell more burgers. They are the foundation on which this company was founded. Today, they still hold true. Every person that walks through the doors of any Hard Rock throughout the world receives the same equal treatment. Knowing this fact is what brings the people back to the originator of the theme restaurant.
However, a few souls do not comprehend what those mottoes really mean. In the September 23 edition of Metro Pulse, an article about the Hard Rock Cafe-Gatlinburg was written presumably by a food critic ["Variations on a Theme Restaurant" by Les DuLunch, Vol. 9, No. 38]. Nevertheless, that "food critic" mentions the food once. The rest of the story was nothing more than a shit-on about the employees of the Hard Rock-Gatlinburg. After reading the article, it is questionable if the "critic" even ate. This person that wrote the piece ought to know that the Bible says to love thy neighbor as they would love thyself.
To the Jerry Farwell-supporting, right winger, where do you get off degrading people, especially people that you do not even know. You obviously missed the point of Love All, Serve All. For any person to refer to the server as a "particular specimen a rather tired-looking woman whose birthing hips appeared as if they may have been used a few times for that purpose" is a trashy assault that has no place being in a real restaurant review.
For the last four years, I have worked for the Hard Rock Cafe and regard my fellow co-workers as part of my family because they are amazing and unique individuals. The foolish food critic wrote; "the most hard rock thing about this particular Hard Rock Cafe seemed to be the army of waitresses, waiters, busboys (even though we do not have busboys), hosts, managers, and other sundry staff." Does it really make a difference what the staff looked like, if they did their job correctly? This is Hard Rock Cafe, not some stuffy white linen tablecloth restaurant. We may do things a little left from normal; nevertheless, that is what separates us from the rest of the theme restaurant pack.
I bet my only child, this was the first visit to a Hard Rock Cafe for the "critic." I hope it is their last time. We at the Hard Rock could understand if the holier-than-thou had a dislike for the food or had a long ticket time. That was not the case. No, the spineless "writer" decided that vicious and inharmonious words were the only way to describe the people. Then again he was also disturbed that we only had one piece of Madonna memorabilia.
I feel the impulse to inform that the Hard Rock Cafe as a company is expecting to reach sales of $600 million dollars next year (with only 104 stores), more than all other theme restaurants combined; it all starts with the people that make up the Hard Rock. It takes a person with character to put on a Hard Rock uniform. The guests that choose to eat and drink at our tables and bars are not expecting to be served by a dead stick. They are positively well taken care of, regardless if the manager has "short bleached blonde spikes a la Billy Idol, or stringy with flaccid brown ponytails a la pre-Fly Bono"; another statement that could only come from a person with a mind that is narrower than a small mountain road.
I would like to enlighten this individual we were around for 25 years before NASCAR Cafe ever opened its doors, making their menu a reproduction of ours. I am optimistic that one day the Hard Rock spirit will overtake and cleanse that evil essence out of your body. There is always hope, so please do not give up.
The Hard Rock Cafe Staff
Gatlinburg
Ed. Note: The article in question was not intended as a restaurant review per se, but was rather the writer's impressions of particular theme restaurants in Sevier County. This required a description of the Hard Rock's staff, since their appearance seems to be a planned part of the restaurant's image. Les' indelicate comment about his server's hips was actually in reference to the skin-tight nurse's uniforms the waitresses are forced to wear, though he apologizes for any personal embarrassment this might have caused.
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