Sound, Fury, Nothing
I have heard and read many bad reviews of The Phantom Menace in the past fortnight. However the spewings of Dowdle, Weisfeld, and Mayshark in your May 20 issue ["Star Warped," Vol. 9, No. 20] proved to be the straw that broke the bantha's back.
Bubbling negativity incessantly, their reviews are merely one-upmanship efforts to prove their hip anti-commercial credentials. On and on they drone, parroting the complaints of the established movie critics—no plot, no character development, no magic, blah blah blah, voices full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
I wonder, did they see the same film I did, or did they catch The Phantom Menace Special Edition? The film I saw had a plot detailing the invasion of Naboo by the Trade Federation, and its subsequent liberation by the teenaged queen, her entourage, two Jedi Knights, and a freed slave boy. Unknown to the heroes, a mysterious agent of evil, the future tyrant emperor, attempts to mire their actions in bureaucracy, while secretly directing the invasion.
Lack of character development? Watto is an incredibly entertaining flying potbellied ball of avarice. The anguish we are told Shmi Skywalker feels when her son risks death in the pod races is etched on her face during the actual event. R2D2's incredible introduction shows his plucky courage. Senator Palpatine sells out his constituency and manipulates his ruler into making a career enhancing move for him. And that's just his day job!
Consider Qui-Gon Jinn, much maligned as "wooden" and "wasted talent" by the critics. This Jedi "role model" lies, gambles (with a spaceship not his own), and cheats at dice. And yet, the film is lambasted as "watered down for the kiddies."
If your Metro Pulse critics would turn their crusty, cynical eyes toward their beloved A New Hope (née Star Wars) and examine it with the same baleful eye they turn on Phantom Menace, they would see it contains annoying acting ("But I want to go to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"), poor directing (long before she "discovers" it in the trash, Leia has a hold on the bar she will use to attempt to stop the closing compactor walls), poor editing (the famous Stormtrooper head bump), dialog best described as exposition (Luke: "It's a good thing you had these" Han: "Yeah, but I never thought I'd be smuggling myself in them"), and mushy feel-good quasi-religion ("Stretch out with your feelings," Obi-Wan tells blast helmet-blinded Luke). But because they have lived 20 years with Luke, Leia, Han, and 60ish Kenobi, these characters seem so real, the movie untouchable in its perfection. They feel Lucas betrayed them because he couldn't make a 2 hour movie that could top a childhood's worth of play with action figures and imitating light sabre duels with a broom and some "whoom whoom" sounds. The bitter attitude of the Metro Pulse critics merely shows you can't please all the people all of the time.
An original can never be topped. A second sexual experience will never pack the punch of losing one's virginity. Quake and Doom get old after awhile. A musical act never releases an album with as many classics as their first. Similarly, seeing Qui-Gon and young Obi-Wan pushing away battle droids with the Force will never compare to its introduction, when old Obi-Wan waved his hand and said "These aren't the droids you're looking for."
George Lucas did not create a two hour experience that will make you change religions. It has flaws: not enough Maul, too much Jar Jar, an excess of fart and poodoo gags, demystifying the force. He left out Darth Maul torturing Watto for the whereabouts of Qui-Gon, and Palpatine's oily, doublespeak worded campaign speech before the Senate. However, he did create an entertaining first episode in a six film story, worthy of the Star Wars name. I will soon purchase a ticket for my third showing. "My own council will I keep on movies that suck."
Clay Venable
Knoxville
Special Bonus Letter!
Gosh darn it, we do love getting mail from our readers but we just can't print it all. Sometimes the missives are unsigned, run too long, don't relate to any of the issues we usually cover, or verge on the loopy. Rather than let these bits of personal expression go unread, we will now start posting them here. Enjoy!
Wake Up & Dream, You Bastards
Hey. Wake up. Dream. Let your imagination stretch for a moment and crawl out like roots from your center. Drink. This is water here folks and no sane tree passes it up. All around you are sleepy eyed people dressed up like monkeys. All around you are people that work. They work at fast food joints, at movie theaters, at music stores, at restaurants. They're people. People dressed up like monkeys but are still people.
The problem is that I've noticed many of you don't realize that last little bit. All you see is the monkey. Silly monkeys who love what they do, who love everyone they talk to. Well guess what, THEY DON'T CARE A THING ABOUT YOU. They're only interest is to get you out of the way so that the next guy can get waited on. You see, when you're serving people all you're interested in is that invisible line that extends on forever in front of you, ticking away hours of your life like some grim prison clock. All you want is for that line to end so that you can go home.
They're not evil monkeys. They're just people. People that have alot more to worry about than you. I work at a movie theater here in Knoxville. I get paid minimum wage and work nearly 40 hours a week. There are no raises given. I work for a corporation. I do this because I am poor. I have been trying to work my way through college so that I won't be poor any more. I am not alone. Many of the stores you go to during your oh so busy day have people like me working in them. Poor folks that make very little money at a job that often entails a great amount of work. If not this job then another just like it, more than likely worse.
So what I want to know is: Why do you feel the need to harrass us? You complain to us about how much the food costs or any other little, petty concern that comes to mind and then get angry when we look at you like you're crazy. We can't do anything about it. Even our managers can rarely change company policy. Big Bertha the Corporate Conglomerate runs the show here guys and gals and I guarantee not a single one of us has ever met the person that's really in charge. So that's how you look to us. Like a stampede of insane cattle, mooing and god knows what else at a bunch of people who are dressed like monkeys. Would we wear these stupid getups if we had any control? Surely you don't think we like it? Or do you?
If you've had a bad day, we hear about it. If you're in an obnoxiously good mood, you make us humor it. You have a great deal of power over us and we (being dressed up like monkeys) have no real validity in the scheme of things. We may as well not even exist. Yet, still you insist on developing this overbearing, haughty, self righteous vendetta on the people that serve you.
Why? If our mood seems sour it's because it is. Surrounded by screaming children, rude and immature adults who throw a tantrum every chance they get, it becomes hard to stay happy about your job. Hey! Go vent someplace else. We of the service industry have enough to worry about without having to deal with adults that behave like they're nine. We don't get paid enough to care.
For those of you who don't have the slightest idea what I'm talking about, Congradulations! You're rich! Now try buying up a little humanity and think about these things:
Don't touch us. Our bodies are not yours to play with just because we're at work. I've been so startled by someone that grabbed my shoulder I nearly punched him. Respect other peoples personal space.
Don't start a conversation with us just because you're bored or lonely. We don't care about anything you have to say. If we feel like talking to you for an extended time we'll let you know.
Don't call us by our names. I hate this one. It's condescending, patronizing and just plain rude. We don't know who the heck you are and just because we're forced to wear our names tags for easy cataloging doesn't give you the right to take advantage of it. We're not your friends.
Don't lecture us. I've been lectured to billions of times for my "bad attitude" and it usually takes me a good thirty minutes to figure out exactly what it is that I've done wrong. If you've got a problem with an employee then go find a manager. Ranting and raving makes you look like an idiot.
I know you're thinking, "What the heck was that all about?" Just something I think is long overdue. And all because of a nasty incident where some lady took it upon herself to order the staff around where she had no business doing so. Instead of getting a manager she stood outside of the theater raving at us for over 30 minutes until a fight nearly broke out between one of our staff and her husband "Turbo." And so now all of our jobs hang by a thread (even those of us who weren't even involved) all because she got a bug up her...Did I mention it was the day after Christmas?
She has slowly been working her way up the chain of command and has threatened to get the media in on it simply so she can get us all fired. None of us acted very adult-like during the entire exchange, I'll admit, but here is a person (one of many) willing to make nearly a dozen people unemployed simply to caress her own ego. So I've taken it upon myself to go to the media first and at the every least, let everyone know just how it is that they act out in public.
Enough. Just remember. We're not sub-human like we appear. It's only our monkey suits that do it. An illusion of worthlessness that Mister Corporate enjoys using on its workers. Society has many rules, but there is only one that is golden.
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