'Twas the week before Christmas...and all through the Metro Pulse office, writers were scurrying around like proverbial chickens-with-their-heads-cut-off, desperately searching for something to fill two columns for the last Eye on the Scene of 1997.
"Damn that Zippy!," the editors cried. "How dare he take a junket to rendezvous with the Spice Girls in Iceland at this time of the year, leaving us to pick up the pieces. Who does he think he is—Betsy Pickle?"
Suddenly, one of them was lit bright with an idea (and who knows what else)... "Why not have our intern Tiny Tex call up some of our favorite and/or most quotable local music types and ask them what they want for Christmas? It could be witty, it could be easy, and—best of all—it could fill up 900 words!"
And so they did. And most everyone was cooperative and clever and eager to jump on the free-press gravy train. And, in the end, even good ol' Zippy took part, faxing in his list from Spiceworld.
Merry Christmas to all, and may you all see as many good shows in 1998 as your wallet and need for sleep will allow.

TOM PAPPAS
Superdrag bassist
1. Amateur female bikini/go-go boot wrestling every Thursday at Barley & Hopps
2. A Sunspot franchise across the country

DON COFFEY, JR.
Superdrag drummer
1. "Well, it would be really cool to have my mug back at the Long Branch."
2. "The ultimate Christmas gift: I'd like to party with [South Park's] Cartman, you know, 'some beers, some cheesy poofs.'"

TODD STEED
(Former leader of the Opposable Thumbs, Smokin' Dave and the Premo Dopes, Half-Ass and the Semi-Colons, et al; now residing in Bogor, Indonesia)
"I'm not greedy, I just want three things.
"I want a life-size version of the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game utilizing real people, preferably some ex-employees of Kathie Lee Gifford's sweat shops. The red robot should be a card-carrying communist. The blue robot will represent Jesse Helms or Ted Turner.
"I want a Cas Walker doll that says "Say neighbor" when you pull the string.
"I want grits, homemade biscuits (using White Lily self-rising flour), and bacon, cooked by Peepaw, King Chef of Timbercrest—delivered by air to Bogor, Indonesia."

SHANE TIMON
Country Card Party DJ, WUTK-FM
"I'd like for Alan Miller's (Timon's boss at the Disc Exchange) office to become vacant, for Benny Smith to run for mayor, and a Southern Vittles credit card."

THE MALIGNMEN
1. Bag of Rocks
2. Booty Call home video
3. to grow pubes
4. correct pronunciation of our name (it's mah-line-men)
5. fewer groupies

MARIA ARMSTRONG
Lost and Found Records co-owner
"I wish that [former Lost and Found employee] Chad Negendank would move back so I could go home at three o'clock everyday."

COL. BACCHUS
Displaced radio personality
"A toilet scrubber and/or plunger, hopefully gold-handled with lights and a sound system on the handle. A pimped-up toilet scrubber so that I can cruise up and down the strip looking for other toilet scrubbers when I can't do radio."

BRETT WINSTON
a.k.a. He Who Cannot Be Named
Holy Ghosts singer/guitarist
"I wish people would quit asking if we're a religious band."
BEAU WADSWORTH
Rude Street Peters frontman
"What I would like to see for Christmas is for Gryphon's to open back up or some place to take its place."

TONY LAWSON
DJ and handyman, WDVX
"I wanted a new pair of shoes, but I got those last week. Other than that, we'd like some underpinnings for our camper. We also just got an autographed license plate from Jescoe White as a Christmas present."

BENNY SMITH
AC Entertainment all-around guy
1. "A venue in downtown that can seat 500 people if needed, AND/OR hold 750-1000 people unseated for a variety of shows..."
2. "A power increase for WDVX..."
3. "More UT students showing up at clubs and listening to new music (not disco, '80s retro, or classic rock), and less students going to trendy dance clubs..."
4. "No more entertainment tax for the entire city..."
5. "A BIG ORANGE BOWL victory!"
6. "Every Stanley Brothers recording in the world..."
7. "An invitation to Jimmy Martin's next birthday party!!!"

JANE GEORGE AND MIKE COLE
Owners, Sassy Ann's
"If we could have anything we wanted for Christmas, we could quit working 90 hours a week, none of our bands would cancel at the last minute, and all our customers...well, we have good customers, so to them a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year."

ZIPPY "SHAKIN', RATTLIN', AND ROLLIN' LIKE A BOWL FULL OF JELLY" McDUFF
1. Doug Mason's charisma.
2. George Bove's ability to make friends and influence people.
3. Phil Williams' modesty.
4. Bob Kesling's unerring sense of style.
5. A big bag of moist Krystals.
6. A bottle of Mylanta.